why am i using rock bands as titles for my poetry??

Pantera

Why do you have to reside
where I am most vulnerable?

Picking me apart must have been easy
You know exactly where to strike
It must have been like spilling heroin
When you need a really good painkiller

I had to choose between Prozac and Valium
when I have no idea which I need more

Fighting against yourself
is shadowboxing without gloves
Yet you get bruised, you bleed
and your injuries are never the same

I know no hatred

For when my insides turn outside
and they form a blob across the floor
Love sweeps them off like dust
and I am whole again

*Background on Pantera: They're a heavy metal rock band in the 1980s and Vinnie Paul's one of the greatest drummers I know. The references to the drugs are in honor of their vocalist Phil Anselmo who, due to his drug addiction, forced Pantera to disband in 2001.

advices

Phoebe said, "Di mo siya iisipin, tipong hindi siya nag-eexist."

Hitomi said, "A true friend will and cannot abandon you."

Ate Shini said, "Lumaklak ka na kasi ng anti-expectorant."

Dad said, "Kung alam ko lang na magkakaganyan, di ko na siya pinagkatiwalaan nung una pa lang."

My sisters said, "Eh kasi ate, di ka marunong pumreno kaya lagi kang kawawa sa huli."

Mariel said, "You're a big catch, Grace, but I still got over you. But my point here is that siya ang nawalan, hindi ikaw."

Beij said, "Just let it go, dude."

Rayne said, "If I knew it then, I would have pushed her myself infront of a speeding 10-wheeler truck!"

Kuya Archie, "Napakalalim ng karmic destiny ninyo and I don't feel it is already finished."

Why this post?

People still check on me every now and then. They know me too well. They know how I am post-breakup. I can't blame then. In fact, I appreciate their concern.

I'm okay now, believe me. Yet I also have to admit, the same way I have confessed to all my exs when they were still my girlfriend, "When I say I love you, hindi yun nawawala kahit magbreak kami. Nababawasan lang, oo, pero hindi nawawala."

Because that is what I believe true love is. It lasts no matter what happens - as a fragment of your soul and being.

This is why I am Soul Reaver.

I take the entire relationship and turn it into a piece of myself. I take the glory and the pain, learn the lessons, and mold myself into a better person.

This is why I am Soul Strife.

When the pieces collide, I have no choice but to struggle. A constant battle between heart and mind ensues when an agreement is not met. In the process, I shape myself into a form that is more than just a piece of the past.

Slowly, carefully, I become more than just a person. I become a being in full harmony with my soul.