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Allow me to update my online journal before you people turn this into a warzone.
Once again, I feel like I don't exist. The nightmare I have always tried to erase from my memory has returned to haunt me again. Now I can feel the lost child inside me cry out loud, begging for the nightmare not to continue.
The moment I walked into BSL this morning, I immediately felt like I walked into a room full of strangers. As i put down my bag on the lab table with a loud thud and nobody even seemed to notice, I knew something wrong is happening. I walked around the laboratory, examining the specimens, just to at least get over the weird feeling. I stood behind a bunch of my blockmates who were then talking loudly while drawing the specimens. When they noticed that I was there, they suddenly became quiet. I asked one of them what the hell is going on. She just said, "may quiz tayo sa lahat ng subjects sa Thursday."
Oo nga naman. Thank you for telling me.
I decided to walk away from them. I checked on the white board where all the specimen names were written. I pretended that I'm studying to memorize them. When I looked around, I saw my barkada gathered in one of the tables, laughing and playing around with the plants we collected during the field trip. Then Terence met my gaze. I gave him a desperate look, saying that I miss them. He only looked away and pretended that he didn't see me. I guess he is still angry at me for calling him "gay" infront of Sir Alipao after Chemistry lab yesterday.
I sat by our group's table and buried my face on my bag. I felt like crying. But I controlled myself when I felt Mommy Shelah's hand holding mine. "Kung galit sila sa iyo, ako hindi. Okay lang yan. One week na lang naman eh."
Yeah, one week of dealing with the fact that my friends have dropped me.
I hate this feeling. I have always though that as soon as I leave high school, everything will be different. But no, because here I am again, living the very same situation I had always tried to escape.
Once again, I feel like I don't exist. The nightmare I have always tried to erase from my memory has returned to haunt me again. Now I can feel the lost child inside me cry out loud, begging for the nightmare not to continue.
The moment I walked into BSL this morning, I immediately felt like I walked into a room full of strangers. As i put down my bag on the lab table with a loud thud and nobody even seemed to notice, I knew something wrong is happening. I walked around the laboratory, examining the specimens, just to at least get over the weird feeling. I stood behind a bunch of my blockmates who were then talking loudly while drawing the specimens. When they noticed that I was there, they suddenly became quiet. I asked one of them what the hell is going on. She just said, "may quiz tayo sa lahat ng subjects sa Thursday."
Oo nga naman. Thank you for telling me.
I decided to walk away from them. I checked on the white board where all the specimen names were written. I pretended that I'm studying to memorize them. When I looked around, I saw my barkada gathered in one of the tables, laughing and playing around with the plants we collected during the field trip. Then Terence met my gaze. I gave him a desperate look, saying that I miss them. He only looked away and pretended that he didn't see me. I guess he is still angry at me for calling him "gay" infront of Sir Alipao after Chemistry lab yesterday.
I sat by our group's table and buried my face on my bag. I felt like crying. But I controlled myself when I felt Mommy Shelah's hand holding mine. "Kung galit sila sa iyo, ako hindi. Okay lang yan. One week na lang naman eh."
Yeah, one week of dealing with the fact that my friends have dropped me.
I hate this feeling. I have always though that as soon as I leave high school, everything will be different. But no, because here I am again, living the very same situation I had always tried to escape.